Thank You (to L)

The river was winding between banks of colored leaves
We passed some places I knew you through
You found me that little cabin by the hill

But you never stayed there with me

Because we always stayed at your house
Around the near end of things I finally learned to take
towels upstairs after using them

We swam with your children
At the swimming hole by the bend in the rushing river
Where people tried to find places
On the stones

When your children were with you
I couldn't climb up on the rock beside your
Sleek long-haired loveliness
And so I paddled near you for a while

When I made the mistake
And stayed at your house after
You were finished with me I slept
For a short time in the bed where we

Would become like birds together with open wings

What is wrong with me?

And I knew I had to leave. I wailed and moaned
To you on the phone, I lost my breath
I hyperventilated, I choked on grief

And I saw you dancing with your friends one black night

They say that love is trivial sometimes
Or that these things are a blur and one morning
You'll wake up with no one by your side

They say that bodies age, they say that

You can only look into someone's eyes a few times

Who was that person whose hips touched mine
On the couch at a family dinner party?

Who was that woman who sat beside me
On the water taxi when we walked all the way
Down the beach to Cherry Grove

Who made love with me in the master bedroom
Listening to the sea?

Who entered my life like a dark stream and passed
Mysteriously through and beyond it on your way Out

Who didn't I know until two friends, older men,
hungered for you and I saw
Them seeing you and yearning for you as you danced
And listened to myself know that my friends wanted you
And know that you were spinning into some orbit of your own
In secrecy, security, and silence not of the body.

At that moment - I saw you as a girl, a child, a woman
Even eventually dying - I saw You then

Staring up from that upstairs bedroom, right after
My cousin said she was so happy seeing us together
And my mother's voice chimed brightly at you
And my father offered you the beach house for a week

So I call you from the office, around the time
When you would come in after teaching Yoga
Long red hair flowing, eyes bright, slimness
Like liquid, to walk and talk with me

Only this day you no longer come - and so I called
At that moment, I couldn't speak, I was choking
Stammering, shaking

Who did all that with me?

Who were you?

Who spoke so sweetly to me when I reached for
Your hand on the street when I was not supposed
To see you anymore and for a second you
Saw me and then you turned to go

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you my loved one?