Saturday 11/11 -

Now my work is coming from a different, less philosophical place inside me. I have several people or practices to thank for this increase in sincerity. My two children are two golden Suns shining inside me, tempting me back to the world and life. Also Aikido ; the practice of martial arts is a road to the opening of energy long held by fears. Meditation and the guidance of a teacher in two traditions are also essential. Finally - the delayed effect of my love for the one I thought had been left behind, JNw. I say delayed effect because I am a man who held in his hands the most precious jewel, and casually tossed it away. Only when another had picked it up from the refuse heap of my insanity, did I see it flashing in brilliance, know it for what it was, and drop to my knees in remorse, in respect, in recognition. Inside her delicate frame is a heart prouder than any I've known or loved, a soul burning, and blazing passion. I bow in respect to my greatest teacher in love - broken by the recognition of what I lost, what i couldn't hold. I will write to her, about her, for her, until I sob out the last desperate gasp of longing for her. I can't say how long that will be. No one knows.